Monday, May 14, 2007
List Poem
Write a poem that uses a listsuch as in the following:Cell phone contacts, including every ex; significant others; mothers, brothers, sisters, and misters; best friends, worst enemies, classes in a day, favorite months from June to May; how you spend your evening hours; archetypes from Fools to Towers; the best advice, the worst advice, your fears like those of spiders and mice; your hopes and dreams; the days you were falling apart at the seams.Or take a group and practice using a semi-colon when one or more items in the list requires a comma. Write about your mom, who cooked the best food but always came up from the laundry room in a bad mood;and then your dad, when you saw him dance the Tsamiko at a big fat Greek wedding and you had no idea;or your brother, who played Eddie Van Halen both live and on the record, day and night.Or list numbers you've deleted from your phone . . .such as Hummer, who simply burned too much of your fuel;or Gollum, who loved and loathed the ring of power even as he loved and loathed himself;or Grendel, who grinds his teeth;or Cindy Brady, who whined too much;or those exes with the same name and you forgot which number was whose.And if these examples and directions aren't enough of a list poem for you,try cataloging all those positive and negative traits,using the words from the personality profiles.You might say you're sarcastic but sincere, or sincerely sarcastic; you might say you wish you were more adroit but it's quite a shame you're just a spastic; you might say you jump to the worst possible conclusion, assuming the most drastic, causing confusion. Or are you mercurial, enterprising, assertive, or do you keep it real?List poems usually match in parts of speech, which is a whole other lesson to teach: nouns in a row or verbs in tow, adjectives lined up like feathers, sometimes joined with or or whether, using commas to list them together.Depend on what you know and the rest should flow. You do not have to rhyme all the time, but don't be boring; it's specificity I'm adoring! What's that? You're ignoring my advice? Go back and read this twice, or thrice if that's what it takes. You can always fix mistakes, but if you do not even try, then why on earth did I?
Write a poem that uses a listsuch as in the following:Cell phone contacts, including every ex; significant others; mothers, brothers, sisters, and misters; best friends, worst enemies, classes in a day, favorite months from June to May; how you spend your evening hours; archetypes from Fools to Towers; the best advice, the worst advice, your fears like those of spiders and mice; your hopes and dreams; the days you were falling apart at the seams.Or take a group and practice using a semi-colon when one or more items in the list requires a comma. Write about your mom, who cooked the best food but always came up from the laundry room in a bad mood;and then your dad, when you saw him dance the Tsamiko at a big fat Greek wedding and you had no idea;or your brother, who played Eddie Van Halen both live and on the record, day and night.Or list numbers you've deleted from your phone . . .such as Hummer, who simply burned too much of your fuel;or Gollum, who loved and loathed the ring of power even as he loved and loathed himself;or Grendel, who grinds his teeth;or Cindy Brady, who whined too much;or those exes with the same name and you forgot which number was whose.And if these examples and directions aren't enough of a list poem for you,try cataloging all those positive and negative traits,using the words from the personality profiles.You might say you're sarcastic but sincere, or sincerely sarcastic; you might say you wish you were more adroit but it's quite a shame you're just a spastic; you might say you jump to the worst possible conclusion, assuming the most drastic, causing confusion. Or are you mercurial, enterprising, assertive, or do you keep it real?List poems usually match in parts of speech, which is a whole other lesson to teach: nouns in a row or verbs in tow, adjectives lined up like feathers, sometimes joined with or or whether, using commas to list them together.Depend on what you know and the rest should flow. You do not have to rhyme all the time, but don't be boring; it's specificity I'm adoring! What's that? You're ignoring my advice? Go back and read this twice, or thrice if that's what it takes. You can always fix mistakes, but if you do not even try, then why on earth did I?
Monday, January 22, 2007
5 Sentence Story
Sherrie was a business woman, a caring mother, and a loving wife but what people didnt know was that she seems to be addicted to heroine. Ever since her twin sister past away from Cancer, Sherrie has taken it hard and started using heroine to relieve her srtess. However, relieving her stress can kill her, she hasnt tried to get help for her addiction because no one knows. So one day after Sherrie leaves the office, she heads downtown to an abandoned building to buy drugs and goes home, then waits for every one to go to sleep. While everyone is sleeping Sherrie takes a needle and shoots the heroine straight into her arm but unfortunatley that was the last movement Sherrie ever made.
Monday, January 08, 2007
Personality Traits
Positve Traits
1. Creative
2. Intelligent
3. Beautiful
4. Ambitious
5. Forgiving
6. Helpful
7. Open-minded
8. Diligent
9. Outgoing
10. Neat
Negative Traits
1. Perfectionist
2. Bite my tongue(i dont say whats on my mind, i hold everything in)
3. Worry 2 Much
4. can sometimes be Impatient
5. make Bad Judgements
6. Picky
7. Tempermental; moody
8. use porfanity 2 much
My best Postive Traits are that I am Ambitous and Diligent. I like that I go after what I want. I might not get it right then and there but I work for it. So if I get I work hard to keep it and to move forward to the next big thing, thats how I know that I'm Diligent. I know that I am Ambitous because I want my future to hold more than what in front of me now.
My worst Negative Trait is that I'm a perfectionsit, everything has to be perfect before I can expect it. Sometimes its okay when I want to do my best but its also frustrating when I'm doing my work or working on something because I get mad when its not hows its suppose to be, perfect. My other worst trait is that I bite my tongue, I tend to kept my feeling bottled up and that how I get angry but I never say nothing until its to late.
1. Creative
2. Intelligent
3. Beautiful
4. Ambitious
5. Forgiving
6. Helpful
7. Open-minded
8. Diligent
9. Outgoing
10. Neat
Negative Traits
1. Perfectionist
2. Bite my tongue(i dont say whats on my mind, i hold everything in)
3. Worry 2 Much
4. can sometimes be Impatient
5. make Bad Judgements
6. Picky
7. Tempermental; moody
8. use porfanity 2 much
My best Postive Traits are that I am Ambitous and Diligent. I like that I go after what I want. I might not get it right then and there but I work for it. So if I get I work hard to keep it and to move forward to the next big thing, thats how I know that I'm Diligent. I know that I am Ambitous because I want my future to hold more than what in front of me now.
My worst Negative Trait is that I'm a perfectionsit, everything has to be perfect before I can expect it. Sometimes its okay when I want to do my best but its also frustrating when I'm doing my work or working on something because I get mad when its not hows its suppose to be, perfect. My other worst trait is that I bite my tongue, I tend to kept my feeling bottled up and that how I get angry but I never say nothing until its to late.
Monday, December 18, 2006
UNDERCOVER SECRETS
5 letter story
Dear Husband of Mine,
Reality has shown its face and boy have you surprised me. I should have known something was up because for the past months things have been funny. You have been funny acting and doing unexplainable thing. Like, coming home late from work and going out with your friends on a constant bases. But whenever I called them, when you weren't answering your phone, they always would say you couldn't come to the phone. Whats that! Were you sleeping with them too? I should have of known but instead I gave you the benefit of the doubt. Because I was your wife I trusted you. Since thats what a wife is suppose to do. I never thought in a million years you would do something like that to me and when I did think you were cheating I didn't think it was with a man and I didn't think your wanted to be a woman! You lied to me all this time, why? You should have told me what was up. Yeah, I would have been highly upset. But now I'm past upset, I'm f**king furious and plus the fact that I had to find out from somebody else, really pisses me off. I don't think I've ever had this much hatred in my heart before. I really despise you and this whole situation is completely disgusting. I want nothing to do with you. A divorce is all I ask of you, this marriage is definately over. The arrangement for the our kids will be verified in court.
-Was your Wife
Niomie
Dear Husband of Mine,
Reality has shown its face and boy have you surprised me. I should have known something was up because for the past months things have been funny. You have been funny acting and doing unexplainable thing. Like, coming home late from work and going out with your friends on a constant bases. But whenever I called them, when you weren't answering your phone, they always would say you couldn't come to the phone. Whats that! Were you sleeping with them too? I should have of known but instead I gave you the benefit of the doubt. Because I was your wife I trusted you. Since thats what a wife is suppose to do. I never thought in a million years you would do something like that to me and when I did think you were cheating I didn't think it was with a man and I didn't think your wanted to be a woman! You lied to me all this time, why? You should have told me what was up. Yeah, I would have been highly upset. But now I'm past upset, I'm f**king furious and plus the fact that I had to find out from somebody else, really pisses me off. I don't think I've ever had this much hatred in my heart before. I really despise you and this whole situation is completely disgusting. I want nothing to do with you. A divorce is all I ask of you, this marriage is definately over. The arrangement for the our kids will be verified in court.
-Was your Wife
Niomie
Sunday, October 29, 2006
The Uglies By:Scott Westerfeld
Book Essay
The "Uglies" is the name of the of the book and the author is to be known as Scott Westerfeld. This book reads from third-person point of view. The Uglies takes place in two different communities the first community is a place where basic people of the world live, they are known to be called the uglies. In the second community is a place where the people known as the pretties live. Thats what makes the story so fiction because we are not in the future. Nor do live in the a ugly town or pretty town. So far the story has a unique plot because the is based on future events. At times its hard to comprehend, seeing as things are different or not yet invented.
The first conflict in the story was man verses man because Perish agrees with the rules of society and Tally doesnt. In the story Tally goes to visit Perish but he seems to not want her there. He says to her " You need to leave here before anyone sees you. Promise me that you wont come back" (p19). Tally asks Perish if they were still best friends. He signed and replied "Sure, whatever in three months"(p 20). The second conflict are described as man vs. society because Tally disagees with what society has to offer. It was said that "once the teenagers turned sixteen they were to become one of the pretties" The only problem with Tally was that she wasn't looking forward to becoming one the pretties leading her to stand alone with society.
The author, Scott Westfeld uses alliteration a lot throughout the chapters . For example, on page (93) and also (97)the letter p is constantly repeated. But when you say you're pretty people pay more attention(93). Stipped out replaced with programmable plastic, skin(97). Scott seems to always create things espeacially new words. Seeing as, the story takes place in the future. Also, the use of dialect is different and confusing. "She was wearing serious-trick wear"(88). Is an example of onomatopoeia, the serious-trick is another word for a professional outfit. Another example would be on page(99). It was where everyone went for serious operations: littles, uglies, even late pretties from way out in Crumblyville coming in for life-long extensions treatments. In our socitey, the present, there is no serious operations with those names.
The irony in the "Uglies" is all throughout the story. It first takes place at the beginning of the book, when Tally wants to see Perish. She goes to see him but theres slight conflict. "Just promise me that you won't do any more stupid tricks. Like coming here. Something that'll get you into trouble"(19). The strap and zippers seemed to wind around her like snakes until the plastic was snug around her waist and thighs(21). Is an example of a simile. The one of many metaphors is placed on page(24). She pulled randomly at the straps until the garment made a hissing sound and dropped to the ground. In the story the author also tends to give non- living things, living characteristics. An example would be on showed on page(27). A twig popped under her knee. Tally's aching muscles had finally betrayed her. Unfortunatley, Scott failed to place foreshadow in the characters name. However, I think the entire book is written in an allusion because these events hasn't happened yet. The book's whole setting is futuristic.
The theme of the book "Uglies" is conformity. Tally and others are constantly pressured by society, to be pretty and perfect. Which many teenagers in our society can relate to. Nowadays for most, theres a certain look you have to obtain when your in highschool. For instance, if your clothes aren't labels then most will figure that you can't afford them(that's peer-pressure from society). So those who can, tease those who can't. For most girls labels aren't the problem, as long as you wear what's in style. Some teenagers, girls and boys, consume peer-pressure from there friends. This mostly happens at parties, school or around the neighborhood. Teenagers are pressured about the way they look, drugs, gangs, sex, and their educational choices. Tally goes through the same thing, about peer-pressure concerning the way she looks. The only difference is that, she has no choice, those are the rules in her society. Fortunately, our society doesn't have those rules but society does brain-wash us into thinking certain things are okay.
The "Uglies" is the name of the of the book and the author is to be known as Scott Westerfeld. This book reads from third-person point of view. The Uglies takes place in two different communities the first community is a place where basic people of the world live, they are known to be called the uglies. In the second community is a place where the people known as the pretties live. Thats what makes the story so fiction because we are not in the future. Nor do live in the a ugly town or pretty town. So far the story has a unique plot because the is based on future events. At times its hard to comprehend, seeing as things are different or not yet invented.
The first conflict in the story was man verses man because Perish agrees with the rules of society and Tally doesnt. In the story Tally goes to visit Perish but he seems to not want her there. He says to her " You need to leave here before anyone sees you. Promise me that you wont come back" (p19). Tally asks Perish if they were still best friends. He signed and replied "Sure, whatever in three months"(p 20). The second conflict are described as man vs. society because Tally disagees with what society has to offer. It was said that "once the teenagers turned sixteen they were to become one of the pretties" The only problem with Tally was that she wasn't looking forward to becoming one the pretties leading her to stand alone with society.
The author, Scott Westfeld uses alliteration a lot throughout the chapters . For example, on page (93) and also (97)the letter p is constantly repeated. But when you say you're pretty people pay more attention(93). Stipped out replaced with programmable plastic, skin(97). Scott seems to always create things espeacially new words. Seeing as, the story takes place in the future. Also, the use of dialect is different and confusing. "She was wearing serious-trick wear"(88). Is an example of onomatopoeia, the serious-trick is another word for a professional outfit. Another example would be on page(99). It was where everyone went for serious operations: littles, uglies, even late pretties from way out in Crumblyville coming in for life-long extensions treatments. In our socitey, the present, there is no serious operations with those names.
The irony in the "Uglies" is all throughout the story. It first takes place at the beginning of the book, when Tally wants to see Perish. She goes to see him but theres slight conflict. "Just promise me that you won't do any more stupid tricks. Like coming here. Something that'll get you into trouble"(19). The strap and zippers seemed to wind around her like snakes until the plastic was snug around her waist and thighs(21). Is an example of a simile. The one of many metaphors is placed on page(24). She pulled randomly at the straps until the garment made a hissing sound and dropped to the ground. In the story the author also tends to give non- living things, living characteristics. An example would be on showed on page(27). A twig popped under her knee. Tally's aching muscles had finally betrayed her. Unfortunatley, Scott failed to place foreshadow in the characters name. However, I think the entire book is written in an allusion because these events hasn't happened yet. The book's whole setting is futuristic.
The theme of the book "Uglies" is conformity. Tally and others are constantly pressured by society, to be pretty and perfect. Which many teenagers in our society can relate to. Nowadays for most, theres a certain look you have to obtain when your in highschool. For instance, if your clothes aren't labels then most will figure that you can't afford them(that's peer-pressure from society). So those who can, tease those who can't. For most girls labels aren't the problem, as long as you wear what's in style. Some teenagers, girls and boys, consume peer-pressure from there friends. This mostly happens at parties, school or around the neighborhood. Teenagers are pressured about the way they look, drugs, gangs, sex, and their educational choices. Tally goes through the same thing, about peer-pressure concerning the way she looks. The only difference is that, she has no choice, those are the rules in her society. Fortunately, our society doesn't have those rules but society does brain-wash us into thinking certain things are okay.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
A DOWNFALL
As I gasp for air my eyes turned red. I begin to feel dizzy and light headed as his hands tighten around my neck. My hands were placed around his hands as I started digging my fingernails into his skin. Begging him to let go, in my eyes I know he sees the fear. Fear that I won't live to see tomorrow but does he really care. It didn't really matter at this point since I was seconds away from death. Just as my eyes rolled in the back of my head, he lets go. I swallowed my spit and inhaled all the air I could. Sliding down to the floor while I lay there my mind blank. Trying to figure out if this really just happened. How could he do this to me? Then I thought to myself it wasn't the first time this has happened . He stood there looking at me as I laid on the floor crying. Suddenly he just walked away grabbing his car keys and coat off the bed. As I got up off the floor my body felt so weak I could barely move. I limped to the bathroom, grabbing some tissue to wipe my eyes and nose. When I looked in the mirrior I saw all the bruises and scratches on my face. I felt like Ashanti in the song Rain on me. " I'm lookin in da mirrior at dis woman down and out. She's internally dyin. I know this is not what's love about. I dont wanna be this woman the second time around. 'Cuz I wakin up screamin no longer believin that gonna be around!" I couldnt say a word and instantly I began to cry. I cried on the bathroom sink, I cried while walking to the bedroom and cried myself to sleep.
That morning I felt the same as I do everymorning wishing he end the torture and just kill me. Not wanting to live because I was living with him. As my eyes opened I looked my strangler in the face. That same person who almost killed me last night, was lying right next to me in my bed. He was a thief, a liar, a controlfreak and my husband. For years it was the samething just different days. For those next few hours I laid there until he left for work. At least thats what he always told me, who knows what he did during the day but I knew there was somebody else. I got up and took a long hot bubble bath for about a hour. It helped my aches and pains but it didnt help my broken heart. That was broken a long time ago from being so unhappy, after soaking in the tub I put my clothes on. Right before I added the make-up on my bruises and scratches from yesterday. Thats how I hid it from my family and friends. I had gotten so good at it, nobody ever knew what was really going on. They all thought that me and Diontae were a happily married couple, my best friend Reshah didnt even know and I told her everything. So when I buttoned my coat I headed out to the hospital for my doctors appointment. I didnt really want to go but I've rescheduled my appointment more than three times. As I drove for twenty-three minutes I begin thinking, making myself more depressed than before. Minutes later I entered the doctors' office.
When Dr. Thomas asked me how I was feeling, I wanted to say horrible but instead I nodded and said "fine you."
"Okay. Your test results came back and I have great news for you!" he said smiling with papers in his hand.
"Whats that?" I said with a fake smile on my face. You could almost tell that I was holding back all my pain.
"Well, Ms. Williams your pregnant!" he said so cheerfully.
"Excuse me, what did you say? Wait, are you sure? You can't be positive!" my words ran together as if I was speaking spanish.
"Arent you thrilled.....? Is there a problem Tiffani? Do you wanna talk about it?" Dr. Thomas asked with a worried look on his face.
"No, no problem at all. Is it possible that I can leave now" I said jumping up grabbing my purse.
"Sure, but I want to run your bloodwork again. Just to make sure everything is fine"
After the bloodwork I disappeared out of the hospital quickly because I didnt want him asking anymore questions. I put my key in my car door but the door wouldnt open. Probably because I was putting the wrong key in the door, I was that nervous. I finally opened the car door and sat there, shocked. I thought to myself this is not what I need right now, there is too much going on between me and Diontae. Raising a baby in a broken home is not gonna work out at all, not with his attitude. Diontae wasn't at the point where he wanted a child. He wasn't one of the men who'd sing "forever my lady" by Jodeci. " So your havin my baby and that means so much to me. Theres nothin more precious, than to raise a family." He was one of those men who'd tell you to get rid it and take you a clinic.
When I got home Diontae was already there, usually I'd beat him home from work. He had flowers put in a vase and dinner on the table. This was always his way of saying he was sorry, so I sat down like nothing happened yesterday. That was my way of accepting his apology, but I really didnt. Since I knew it was going to happen again even though he said I wouldnt. So we sat down and ate the meal he had prepared. We even had a normal conversation like a normal married couples do.
Afterwards we sat down and watched my favorite movie "The Fifth Element". I had to admit we were having a good time laughing and talking about the movie. However all that came to a close, when I began to feel sick to my stomach. Before I knew it, I was running to the bathroom with my hand over my mouth . Trying to keep the vomit down but it came right up. Luckily I made it to the toliet and there he was standing behind me.
"Baby you okay?" Diontae asked with a concerned face.
I tried to answer him but the vomit kept coming up and my face was so pale.
"You sure?" he asked again. At that point I wanted to say I was pregnant. It was jumping through my throat but I was so scared at what he was going to say. So I just said it loud and clear with no thoughts.
"Diontae I'm pregnant!" He looked at me so shocked( probably how I looked when I was told).
"We aint ready for no baby and why would you think that?" "You gon have to do something about that Tiffani, and fast."
"What do you want me to do? It took two of us to make this child, Diontae. Why you acting like that. We got money to care for a child. Whats the problem, huh?"
"Look I don't wanna talk about this, its late. I'm going to bed and we going to the clinic. End of conversation."
I was too afraid to reply back. I just sat there looking so dumbfounded. As the night hours went by I laid there in his arms, silent. I couldn't sleep I was there feeling so bad and I felt like such a coward. I was so ashamed. I constantly let him control me like I can't think or do for myself. This wasn't a marriage this was a prison with outside doors.
For the past three days Diontae and I didn't say much of nothing to each other. The only time we talked, was when he made arrangements for me to go the clinic for an abortion. Yet I continued to act like nothing was wrong with me. Somehow, I knew he had to know I was upset but to him it didnt matter. He'd get up for work, leave, then call before he got off and say he'd be home late. It didnt surprise me though, he seemed to always do that when we got into an argument. Right before he figured he wanted to put his hands on me. I knew his late nights were accompanied by some woman and the strange thing was that I didn't even care. Most of the time I wished he would leave me for her. I liked being at home without him there, I felt comfortable. There was no one here to yell about what needed to be done in the house like I was a little kid. Or I didn't have to worry if he was going to flip out and hit me but I guess that was my fault. Since I allowed this to continue.
It was Thursday morning, my appointment to go to the clinic and I was already up. I got dressed and waited on Diontae to get himself together. Still we weren't speaking to each other and I was relieved because there was nothing he could say to make this better. We got in the car and headed down to the clinic. When we pulled up I almost didn't want to get out the car but once again, I forced myself to do so.
After moments of waiting they called my name to see the doctor. Fortunately, Diontae was asked to sit in the waiting room and wait for me. When I got to the room the nurse asked me to remove my clothes and throw on a blue robe. I sat there patiently with tears rolling down my face, anxious to get it over with. Before I knew it the nurse walked in the room and I quickly wiped my tears away. I was praying she didn't notice that I was crying.
"Hi, I'm Nurse Scott. How is everything?" she said.
"Fine."
"If you don't mind I'd like to ask you a couple of questions? Just to make sure you still want to follow through with procedure," she asked properly.
"Okay I have no problem with that, go right ahead."
"Um........ have you ever had an abortion before?"
"No."
"How many weeks were you before you realized you wanted an abortion?"
"Uh well, I'm not sure. I think I was about 3 weeks"
"Well, was an abortion your first thought when you find out?
"I dont know cuz when I found out I was shocked. I mean I was kinda concerned with what my husband was going to say but mostly shocked. "
"So when he found out did you both agree on what was to be done?"
Scratching my head I said " Not exactly."
"Mrs. Williams it seems as though your not sure. Can I ask you a personal question?"
"Yeah."
"What happened when you told your husband?"
"Um... well uh... he was in shock like me."
"I mean what was said? Were there any disagreements?"
"First I told him that I was pregnant and he looked as if I was crazy. Then he started telling me that I was going to have do something. I guess he was saying I was gonna have to get an abortion. Yet, I tried to explain that we can have this baby, so we argued some more and more. Which how we ended up here. I mean its no big deal I can get pregnant again its just that now isn't a good time."
When I said that she looked at me shocked like I had told her more than she wanted to know. But for some reason I felt a little released that was the first time in a long time that I ever told somebody what happened between me and Diontae. At the same time I was embarassed and I made myself look really stupid. I sounded like one of those women who let their husband run over them and I was.
"Mrs. Williams it sounds to me like your just doing what he says do. Its like your here because he wants you to be. Because I think if it was your choice you wouldn't be here, would you?"
"No, I don't really believe in abortions"
"Soooo um... you really want this baby?"
"Yeah I do."
"Then Ms. Williams why are you here?"
At that frozen second I had no logical answer because none of this was my choice. For three years I had been letting Diontae control me like a puppet, everthing he told me to do I did. I felt really dumb sitting in that room about to have an abortion that I clearly didn't want. Even the nurse could see that I wanted my baby, deep down in my mind I knew that I just doing what he told me. The truth of the matter was I was scared as hell to tell him how I felt. I was afraid of him but within that moment I knew I had to what I had to do. I was tried of being this insecure and foolish woman. I was going to keep my baby and leave him.
"Is it too late to change my mind becasue I don't wanna go through with this, at all."
"No, sweetheart. Its better late than never. You'll have to sign your release papers. Uh... do you want to call tell your husband you've changed your mind. "
"No! I wanna leave without him seeing me. I don't want to make a dramatic scene, if he sees me still pregnant he's gonna flip"
"Well... there is a back entrance, you can go out that way."
"Thank you. I really do appreciate your concern. I haven't felt that in a long time"
"Your welcome."
When I left out the clinic I felt like a sneaky coward but also a brand new woman. The woman I use to be before I claimed his last name. I wasn't Mrs Diontae Williams I was Ms. Tiffani Bradshaw, I had my identity back. I am no longer his doormat.
I walked to the bus stop down the street from the clinic not knowing where I was headed. However, I knew I didnt wanna go back to that house because if he caught me, he would have tried to make me stay. So I hopped on the next 55th bus that detoured into the Midway Airport. I couldn't help but realize that this was a sign. A sign that I needed to get off that bus, go in the airport and start a new life. Then suddenly the song "I gotta go" by Vivian Green popped in my head. " I gotta go, I gotta leave. So please don't make this hard for me. We've been in love, I tried of us. I gotta let 'cha go." If I stay who knows what could to happen to me but I refused to stay with him. I took him back too many times, fortunately this time I was through. I needed to make a choice that was going to benefit me and my baby, in which staying with Diontae was not the best choice.
Within 2 hours I boared the next plane to Minnesota, I had family there and I knew they would be happy to see me. I hadn't see them since my wedding because me and Diontae moved to Chicago, 2 months later. While I was on the plane, I wrote Diontae a letter that explain why I left. Eventhough it was obvious that I didnt need to explain myself but I still felt there were some things that needed to be said. In the letter I wrote all the things I couldnt say when we were together, it read........
To My Downfall,
I know your wondering why I left. But In all honesty, you should already know why. I was suppose to be your wife yet you treated me like your doormat. I allowed you to make me feel like shit and that was my fault. I should have never gave you that much authority over me, I should have never let you think it was okay for you to put your hands on me and I should have never let you think I was okay for you to disrespect and cheat on me. Til Death Do Us Part, I guess I didnt obey that vow but I obeyed the rest. Can you honestly say the same thing? I doubt it. If I think back really hard, I can remember when I was in love with you. I use think I could never stopping loving you. Even when you were cheating on me I still loved you and even when you hit on me I still loved you. Thats what made it so hard for me to leave because I didnt wanna stop being with you. I thought you had felt the same. I was fooled. Sometimes I wonder were you ever in love with me? Sometimes I wonder why you treated me that way and was it my fault? But its too late to ask questions because its over. I stopped loving you the day you asked me to give up my baby, the one thing I wanted most. Right then and there I realized you didnt care about me or this baby, all you cared about was yourself. I want nothing from you but a divorce because I have taken all I can take. You never appreciated all that I gave you and I'm tried of trying to make something work that has clearly ended. I've shed too many tears for somebody who's not worth it. If you want you can act as if you dont have a child because I know you want to anyways. So go right ahead, this baby is better off without you and so am I. I was born June 14, 1982 and I died the day I married you. Fortunately, I was reborn the day I left you and I will continue to live. So GoodBye and please don't bother to write. We're better off without each other!
-Tiffani
I mailed the letter off as I got off the plane with my mother's address. I wanted to get rid of anything that had to do with him. I showed up at my mothers' house and she welcomed me with open arms. I explained to her what happened but I left out the part about Diontae beating on me. I didn't need the sympathy trip she had already felt sorry for me. Plus, some things were better left unsaid.
Months went by and I had been doing fine, I started working in a law firm downtown with my aunt. In late July I had my baby, I named her Mykyla Shauni Bradshaw, she was 6 pounds and 7 ounces. Years had went by and I never heard from Diontae again. My aunt and my mother kept telling me to file child support but I told them I wanted nothing from him. I wanted my life clear of him. Eventhough I did want my child to have a father but it wans't like he was going to volunteer to be in her life so why bother.
My mother always asked "whatcha gonna tell her when she gets older and she ask about her father". I told her I would tell Mykyla the truth.
I'd say "Your father and I were in disagreement about my pregnancy with you and he wasm't treating me right. So I left because because I wasn't to have an abortion".
Ofcourse I wouldn't tell her how abusive he was because she didn't need to know that. I wouldn't know how she'd look at me. I guess thats a secret that I'll take to the grave.
Sometimes I'd sit and wonder how things would be if I stayed with Diontae but I knew I made the right choice. I use to worry that I would never find love again but then I realize I had my daughter and that was all the love I needed. She was the best thing that happened to me and a true blessing.
That morning I felt the same as I do everymorning wishing he end the torture and just kill me. Not wanting to live because I was living with him. As my eyes opened I looked my strangler in the face. That same person who almost killed me last night, was lying right next to me in my bed. He was a thief, a liar, a controlfreak and my husband. For years it was the samething just different days. For those next few hours I laid there until he left for work. At least thats what he always told me, who knows what he did during the day but I knew there was somebody else. I got up and took a long hot bubble bath for about a hour. It helped my aches and pains but it didnt help my broken heart. That was broken a long time ago from being so unhappy, after soaking in the tub I put my clothes on. Right before I added the make-up on my bruises and scratches from yesterday. Thats how I hid it from my family and friends. I had gotten so good at it, nobody ever knew what was really going on. They all thought that me and Diontae were a happily married couple, my best friend Reshah didnt even know and I told her everything. So when I buttoned my coat I headed out to the hospital for my doctors appointment. I didnt really want to go but I've rescheduled my appointment more than three times. As I drove for twenty-three minutes I begin thinking, making myself more depressed than before. Minutes later I entered the doctors' office.
When Dr. Thomas asked me how I was feeling, I wanted to say horrible but instead I nodded and said "fine you."
"Okay. Your test results came back and I have great news for you!" he said smiling with papers in his hand.
"Whats that?" I said with a fake smile on my face. You could almost tell that I was holding back all my pain.
"Well, Ms. Williams your pregnant!" he said so cheerfully.
"Excuse me, what did you say? Wait, are you sure? You can't be positive!" my words ran together as if I was speaking spanish.
"Arent you thrilled.....? Is there a problem Tiffani? Do you wanna talk about it?" Dr. Thomas asked with a worried look on his face.
"No, no problem at all. Is it possible that I can leave now" I said jumping up grabbing my purse.
"Sure, but I want to run your bloodwork again. Just to make sure everything is fine"
After the bloodwork I disappeared out of the hospital quickly because I didnt want him asking anymore questions. I put my key in my car door but the door wouldnt open. Probably because I was putting the wrong key in the door, I was that nervous. I finally opened the car door and sat there, shocked. I thought to myself this is not what I need right now, there is too much going on between me and Diontae. Raising a baby in a broken home is not gonna work out at all, not with his attitude. Diontae wasn't at the point where he wanted a child. He wasn't one of the men who'd sing "forever my lady" by Jodeci. " So your havin my baby and that means so much to me. Theres nothin more precious, than to raise a family." He was one of those men who'd tell you to get rid it and take you a clinic.
When I got home Diontae was already there, usually I'd beat him home from work. He had flowers put in a vase and dinner on the table. This was always his way of saying he was sorry, so I sat down like nothing happened yesterday. That was my way of accepting his apology, but I really didnt. Since I knew it was going to happen again even though he said I wouldnt. So we sat down and ate the meal he had prepared. We even had a normal conversation like a normal married couples do.
Afterwards we sat down and watched my favorite movie "The Fifth Element". I had to admit we were having a good time laughing and talking about the movie. However all that came to a close, when I began to feel sick to my stomach. Before I knew it, I was running to the bathroom with my hand over my mouth . Trying to keep the vomit down but it came right up. Luckily I made it to the toliet and there he was standing behind me.
"Baby you okay?" Diontae asked with a concerned face.
I tried to answer him but the vomit kept coming up and my face was so pale.
"You sure?" he asked again. At that point I wanted to say I was pregnant. It was jumping through my throat but I was so scared at what he was going to say. So I just said it loud and clear with no thoughts.
"Diontae I'm pregnant!" He looked at me so shocked( probably how I looked when I was told).
"We aint ready for no baby and why would you think that?" "You gon have to do something about that Tiffani, and fast."
"What do you want me to do? It took two of us to make this child, Diontae. Why you acting like that. We got money to care for a child. Whats the problem, huh?"
"Look I don't wanna talk about this, its late. I'm going to bed and we going to the clinic. End of conversation."
I was too afraid to reply back. I just sat there looking so dumbfounded. As the night hours went by I laid there in his arms, silent. I couldn't sleep I was there feeling so bad and I felt like such a coward. I was so ashamed. I constantly let him control me like I can't think or do for myself. This wasn't a marriage this was a prison with outside doors.
For the past three days Diontae and I didn't say much of nothing to each other. The only time we talked, was when he made arrangements for me to go the clinic for an abortion. Yet I continued to act like nothing was wrong with me. Somehow, I knew he had to know I was upset but to him it didnt matter. He'd get up for work, leave, then call before he got off and say he'd be home late. It didnt surprise me though, he seemed to always do that when we got into an argument. Right before he figured he wanted to put his hands on me. I knew his late nights were accompanied by some woman and the strange thing was that I didn't even care. Most of the time I wished he would leave me for her. I liked being at home without him there, I felt comfortable. There was no one here to yell about what needed to be done in the house like I was a little kid. Or I didn't have to worry if he was going to flip out and hit me but I guess that was my fault. Since I allowed this to continue.
It was Thursday morning, my appointment to go to the clinic and I was already up. I got dressed and waited on Diontae to get himself together. Still we weren't speaking to each other and I was relieved because there was nothing he could say to make this better. We got in the car and headed down to the clinic. When we pulled up I almost didn't want to get out the car but once again, I forced myself to do so.
After moments of waiting they called my name to see the doctor. Fortunately, Diontae was asked to sit in the waiting room and wait for me. When I got to the room the nurse asked me to remove my clothes and throw on a blue robe. I sat there patiently with tears rolling down my face, anxious to get it over with. Before I knew it the nurse walked in the room and I quickly wiped my tears away. I was praying she didn't notice that I was crying.
"Hi, I'm Nurse Scott. How is everything?" she said.
"Fine."
"If you don't mind I'd like to ask you a couple of questions? Just to make sure you still want to follow through with procedure," she asked properly.
"Okay I have no problem with that, go right ahead."
"Um........ have you ever had an abortion before?"
"No."
"How many weeks were you before you realized you wanted an abortion?"
"Uh well, I'm not sure. I think I was about 3 weeks"
"Well, was an abortion your first thought when you find out?
"I dont know cuz when I found out I was shocked. I mean I was kinda concerned with what my husband was going to say but mostly shocked. "
"So when he found out did you both agree on what was to be done?"
Scratching my head I said " Not exactly."
"Mrs. Williams it seems as though your not sure. Can I ask you a personal question?"
"Yeah."
"What happened when you told your husband?"
"Um... well uh... he was in shock like me."
"I mean what was said? Were there any disagreements?"
"First I told him that I was pregnant and he looked as if I was crazy. Then he started telling me that I was going to have do something. I guess he was saying I was gonna have to get an abortion. Yet, I tried to explain that we can have this baby, so we argued some more and more. Which how we ended up here. I mean its no big deal I can get pregnant again its just that now isn't a good time."
When I said that she looked at me shocked like I had told her more than she wanted to know. But for some reason I felt a little released that was the first time in a long time that I ever told somebody what happened between me and Diontae. At the same time I was embarassed and I made myself look really stupid. I sounded like one of those women who let their husband run over them and I was.
"Mrs. Williams it sounds to me like your just doing what he says do. Its like your here because he wants you to be. Because I think if it was your choice you wouldn't be here, would you?"
"No, I don't really believe in abortions"
"Soooo um... you really want this baby?"
"Yeah I do."
"Then Ms. Williams why are you here?"
At that frozen second I had no logical answer because none of this was my choice. For three years I had been letting Diontae control me like a puppet, everthing he told me to do I did. I felt really dumb sitting in that room about to have an abortion that I clearly didn't want. Even the nurse could see that I wanted my baby, deep down in my mind I knew that I just doing what he told me. The truth of the matter was I was scared as hell to tell him how I felt. I was afraid of him but within that moment I knew I had to what I had to do. I was tried of being this insecure and foolish woman. I was going to keep my baby and leave him.
"Is it too late to change my mind becasue I don't wanna go through with this, at all."
"No, sweetheart. Its better late than never. You'll have to sign your release papers. Uh... do you want to call tell your husband you've changed your mind. "
"No! I wanna leave without him seeing me. I don't want to make a dramatic scene, if he sees me still pregnant he's gonna flip"
"Well... there is a back entrance, you can go out that way."
"Thank you. I really do appreciate your concern. I haven't felt that in a long time"
"Your welcome."
When I left out the clinic I felt like a sneaky coward but also a brand new woman. The woman I use to be before I claimed his last name. I wasn't Mrs Diontae Williams I was Ms. Tiffani Bradshaw, I had my identity back. I am no longer his doormat.
I walked to the bus stop down the street from the clinic not knowing where I was headed. However, I knew I didnt wanna go back to that house because if he caught me, he would have tried to make me stay. So I hopped on the next 55th bus that detoured into the Midway Airport. I couldn't help but realize that this was a sign. A sign that I needed to get off that bus, go in the airport and start a new life. Then suddenly the song "I gotta go" by Vivian Green popped in my head. " I gotta go, I gotta leave. So please don't make this hard for me. We've been in love, I tried of us. I gotta let 'cha go." If I stay who knows what could to happen to me but I refused to stay with him. I took him back too many times, fortunately this time I was through. I needed to make a choice that was going to benefit me and my baby, in which staying with Diontae was not the best choice.
Within 2 hours I boared the next plane to Minnesota, I had family there and I knew they would be happy to see me. I hadn't see them since my wedding because me and Diontae moved to Chicago, 2 months later. While I was on the plane, I wrote Diontae a letter that explain why I left. Eventhough it was obvious that I didnt need to explain myself but I still felt there were some things that needed to be said. In the letter I wrote all the things I couldnt say when we were together, it read........
To My Downfall,
I know your wondering why I left. But In all honesty, you should already know why. I was suppose to be your wife yet you treated me like your doormat. I allowed you to make me feel like shit and that was my fault. I should have never gave you that much authority over me, I should have never let you think it was okay for you to put your hands on me and I should have never let you think I was okay for you to disrespect and cheat on me. Til Death Do Us Part, I guess I didnt obey that vow but I obeyed the rest. Can you honestly say the same thing? I doubt it. If I think back really hard, I can remember when I was in love with you. I use think I could never stopping loving you. Even when you were cheating on me I still loved you and even when you hit on me I still loved you. Thats what made it so hard for me to leave because I didnt wanna stop being with you. I thought you had felt the same. I was fooled. Sometimes I wonder were you ever in love with me? Sometimes I wonder why you treated me that way and was it my fault? But its too late to ask questions because its over. I stopped loving you the day you asked me to give up my baby, the one thing I wanted most. Right then and there I realized you didnt care about me or this baby, all you cared about was yourself. I want nothing from you but a divorce because I have taken all I can take. You never appreciated all that I gave you and I'm tried of trying to make something work that has clearly ended. I've shed too many tears for somebody who's not worth it. If you want you can act as if you dont have a child because I know you want to anyways. So go right ahead, this baby is better off without you and so am I. I was born June 14, 1982 and I died the day I married you. Fortunately, I was reborn the day I left you and I will continue to live. So GoodBye and please don't bother to write. We're better off without each other!
-Tiffani
I mailed the letter off as I got off the plane with my mother's address. I wanted to get rid of anything that had to do with him. I showed up at my mothers' house and she welcomed me with open arms. I explained to her what happened but I left out the part about Diontae beating on me. I didn't need the sympathy trip she had already felt sorry for me. Plus, some things were better left unsaid.
Months went by and I had been doing fine, I started working in a law firm downtown with my aunt. In late July I had my baby, I named her Mykyla Shauni Bradshaw, she was 6 pounds and 7 ounces. Years had went by and I never heard from Diontae again. My aunt and my mother kept telling me to file child support but I told them I wanted nothing from him. I wanted my life clear of him. Eventhough I did want my child to have a father but it wans't like he was going to volunteer to be in her life so why bother.
My mother always asked "whatcha gonna tell her when she gets older and she ask about her father". I told her I would tell Mykyla the truth.
I'd say "Your father and I were in disagreement about my pregnancy with you and he wasm't treating me right. So I left because because I wasn't to have an abortion".
Ofcourse I wouldn't tell her how abusive he was because she didn't need to know that. I wouldn't know how she'd look at me. I guess thats a secret that I'll take to the grave.
Sometimes I'd sit and wonder how things would be if I stayed with Diontae but I knew I made the right choice. I use to worry that I would never find love again but then I realize I had my daughter and that was all the love I needed. She was the best thing that happened to me and a true blessing.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Story Rubric
What is the character's name?
Tiffani Bradshaw
How old is your character, and when is his/her birthday?
25 years old-June 14,1982
Where was he/she born?
Chicago
What does he/she like to eat?
Chicken and Cheeseburgers
Who are his/her friends?
Lisa and Reshah
Who are his/her enemies?
no one
What music does he/she listen to?
R&B and Rap
What does he/she wear?
Rocawear, Babyphat, Lot29 and PEPE
On whom would he/she have a crush?
no one
Who are his/her role models and idols?
Her mother
What would be the very best thing that could happen to him/her in life?
She could have her baby
What does he/she dream about?
Being happy
What would be the worst thing that could happen to him/her in life?
She'd stay with her husband
If the character were an animal, what would he/she be?
white tiger
What is he/she afraid of?
Her husband
What would be your character's ideal date?
dont know
WHO would be your character's ideal date?
dont know
What are his/her goals?
She raise her chid right
What gets in the way of him/her pursuing these goals?
Her husband doesn't want the child
With whom does your character compete over the same goals?
no one
Who are your character's best mentors/teachers/coaches?
Her mother and aunt
Tiffani Bradshaw
How old is your character, and when is his/her birthday?
25 years old-June 14,1982
Where was he/she born?
Chicago
What does he/she like to eat?
Chicken and Cheeseburgers
Who are his/her friends?
Lisa and Reshah
Who are his/her enemies?
no one
What music does he/she listen to?
R&B and Rap
What does he/she wear?
Rocawear, Babyphat, Lot29 and PEPE
On whom would he/she have a crush?
no one
Who are his/her role models and idols?
Her mother
What would be the very best thing that could happen to him/her in life?
She could have her baby
What does he/she dream about?
Being happy
What would be the worst thing that could happen to him/her in life?
She'd stay with her husband
If the character were an animal, what would he/she be?
white tiger
What is he/she afraid of?
Her husband
What would be your character's ideal date?
dont know
WHO would be your character's ideal date?
dont know
What are his/her goals?
She raise her chid right
What gets in the way of him/her pursuing these goals?
Her husband doesn't want the child
With whom does your character compete over the same goals?
no one
Who are your character's best mentors/teachers/coaches?
Her mother and aunt
